We hear it all so often in polygamous marriages from wives about their husbands. The wife says, he does not do polygamy right. My question is, what does she mean by that statement? It’s possible that she says it based on how she would like her husband to be or what she wants him to do? It may have nothing to do with a lack of fairness or justice.
It’s important that a wife knows what she thinks he should do and why. Is it about her desires or something that he truly is doing wrong? She needs to understand her thoughts and feelings.
When I hear the statement, “He does not do polygamy right”, I assume she means, he is not “just” to her in the marriage. A point often overlooked is that being “just” applies to all people, not only those in polygamous marriages. In other words, we must be “just” in all our dealings with man (meaning mankind). It is what Allah tells us that we should do. Of course that is unless the person fights us about our faith.
It’s important to note that what “just” is depends on the situation, as well. We need to look at it on a case by case basis.
When she says he does not do polygamy right, ask her to qualify the statement
For instance, she needs to define what right is. Marriages are not all the same. Is it about what she expects or her desires that she wants him to fulfill? What exactly does she think he is doing wrong and why? Just because she thinks it is wrong doesn’t mean she is correct.
Men are held to a higher standard in polygamous marriages in that they must be “just” to their wives’ children who were fathered by other men. When men marry women who already have children, they must be just to those children. It’s of the upmost importance. Again, the men must deal justly and with kindness to those orphan children. I have attached a link to an in depth article about it: Allah Allows Men Four Wives in Polygamy
If he does not do polygamy right, what is meant by “right”?
What is just is not the same in all marriages. Some men have wives who live in other countries. Others have wives who live near. What is just depends on the marriage and the circumstances. Furthermore, each of us acts according to his or her own disposition. In other words, many factors influence how “just” a man is.
It’s important to realize that we all have varying levels of faith in Allah, as well. Some have no faith. Faith in Allah has all to do with what one does etc. How much good can a person without faith do? Allah lets us know that those without faith cannot do good. With it said, perhaps a wife expects too much from her husband.
Problems arise in all marriages. It doesn’t matter if the marriage is polygamous or monogamous. The good news is that Allah has instructed us in the Quran as to how to deal with problems. It is about marriages in general. Given these points, a wife should think about what she means before she says it.