We hear it all so often from a wife about her husband in a polygamous marriage. She says he does not do polygamy right. What does she mean by it? Does she know what she means? Has she any idea? Does she say it based on how she would like him to be?
A wife must be able to say what he is not doing that she thinks he should and why. She needs to understand her thoughts and feelings.
When I hear the statement, I assume she means that he is not “just” to her in the marriage. A point often overlooked is that being “just” applies to all. In other words, we must be “just” in all our dealings. It is what Allah tells us that we should do. Of course that is unless the person fights us about our faith. It’s important to note that what “just” is depends on the situation, as well.
When she says he does not do polygamy right, ask her to qualify the statement
For instance, she needs to define what right is. Marriages are not all the same. Is it about what she expects and desires that she wants him to fulfill?
Men are held to a higher standard in polygamous marriages in that they MUST be “just” to the orphans (children) of the women in the marriages. It’s to say that the men must deal justly and with kindness to those orphan children. I have attached a link to an in depth article on it. The link is Allah Allows Men Four Wives in Polygamy
It is important to realize that all marriages are different. Furthermore, each of us acts according to his or her own disposition. Many factors influence how “just” a man is.
In other words, we all have varying levels of faith in Allah. Some have no faith. Faith in Allah has all to do with what one does etc. How much good can a person without faith do? People without faith can’t do good.
Problems arise in all marriages. It doesn’t matter if the marriage is polygamous or monogamous. The good news is that Allah has instructed us in the Quran, as to how to deal with problems. It covers marriages in general. Given these points, a wife should think about what she means before she says it.