We need to change how we see polygamy in Islam, as it’s holding us back as a community. Muslims will have problems, as long as they view polygamy as an anomaly. They need to see it for what it is. Particularly, it is a good way of life that Allah allows for us. The same as we view a monogamous marriage as the norm, we should see a polygamous one as the norm, as well.
There are so many fallacies about it. For instance, when it comes to a man taking on a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife, some say that he should marry a woman of a certain status. Meaning, he should marry a divorced or widowed or barren woman or one who is past a certain age. Many Muslims have portrayed them as being undesirable to wed first.
The truth is that it is okay for men to marry those women first. The most compelling evidenced is in the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). He married Khadijah who was fifteen years older than him. She had been married before him, as well. They lived a monogamous marriage. A Muslim many may marry any Muslim woman who is single. Furthermore, he may marry her in any order.
There are no special qualifications to determine in what order a man should marry a woman. Whatever drove him to marry the first one, may drive him to marry the 2nd, 3rd or 4th. The wife who married first is not superior to one who married after her; although, she may want to believe it. Some may believe it. It doesn’t make it true. Only righteousness makes someone superior to another.
We need to change how we see polygamy in Islam and stop looking down on women who live it
All too often we hear Muslim women say that one who married in the order of second (“a second wife”) is a “halal whore” or a mistress etc. Some say women who married in the order of 3rd or 4th were desperate and had to settle for what they could get. Some say a woman who accepts an offer of marriage as the 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife is fat, ugly or old. They say many bad things about them.
It is a wrong mindset to have, as it hurts the one who thinks it. It hurts her soul. The one who says such a thing knows how it makes the other feel. It’s the reason she says it. She would not want soemone to say those awful thing about her.
I am sure that a woman who marries in the order of 2nd, 3rd or 4th wants the same things as the woman who married first. For instance, she wants an intimated companion, a best friend, a helper and someone to have a family with. No one should fault her for it. It’s part of our way of life-Islam.
In any event, we need to change how we see polygamy in Islam because it was for yesterday, it is for today, and it will be for tomorrow. In short, it is here to stay.